more stars than in the heavens

not in our stars, but in ourselves

Year in Review, Electric Boogaloo: 2014 Edition

I post something like this end-of-the-year summary every December, and I suppose I’ll put it here, too.  Some slight edits and obfuscations, because I know you’re all creeps.

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happy holly daze!

 

What did you do in 2014 that you’d never done before?

Went to a strip club, ran several 5Ks, sang at karaoke, got a job that I actually want to lead to a career.

CONTEXT, because I know my mother reads this stuff:

– the strip club was for a friend’s birthday.  We went to two, actually.  I was bored and depressed at both.
– I ran in four 5Ks, and have generally tried to up my running game, but it’s still pretty pathetic compared to that of my sporty friends.  Nevertheless, I can squeak out five miles at a time now, and that is much less pathetic than I used to be.
– karaoke required a lot of booze to get me going, but goddammit, get going I did. (“Total Eclipse of the Heart” and “Creep” were, I felt, my biggest hits.)
– I actually get to hang out with film people and think about movies and drum up student interest in being film scholars and that’s pretty goddamn cool.

 

What countries did you visit?

I was bound to the U.S. this year.  Maybe next year.  On the wish list: U.K. (especially Scotland), Ireland, Germany, Austria, France, Czech Republic.  Someday, I’ll go back to Oz.  Maybe.  Once Abbott is out.

 

What date from 2014 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

September 9th, because it was a great fucking day.

 

Whose behavior merited celebration?

Beyoncé’s, obviously.

My parents get the usual commendation for putting up with me.  And for the first time in my life, I felt like I really needed and relied on and loved having friends.  Having always been a bit of a lone wolf, I always liked knowing people were around who liked me, but I never felt like I needed them especially.  I never felt like friends were crucial to my well-being before this year.  They definitely were this year.

And, I don’t know, there was this guy.  He was pretty cool, I guess.  Whatever.

 

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Broadly: racist cops and the entrenched racism that pardons them; rapists and their apologists and the entrenched misogyny that allows them to continue life, uncastrated and un-fed to the wolves; the MBTA; Igloo Australia.  More than these, certainly, and more specific to me, but this is enough rage and misery for now.

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Where did most of your money go?

Rent, student loans, booze.  Same ol’, same ol’.

 

What did you get really, really, really excited about? 

New job.  New love.  Dogs, pretty much constantly.

puppies

What song will always remind you of 2014?

There is no Garbo.  There is no Dietrich.  There is only “Flawless (Remix) feat. Nicki Minaj”: http://flawless.beyonce.com/

 

Compared to this time last year, are you

i. happier or sadder?: so much happier it’s probably illegal in certain midwest and southern states.
ii. thinner or fatter?: about the same to look at, but way stronger.
iii. richer or poorer?: poorer in finances, richer in spirit.

 

What do you wish you’d done more of?

The place that I used to work, before moving onto much greener pastures, is basically a gulag.  The management there takes its cues, so it would seem, from Stalin.  Or from Nurse Ratched.  Or from Dr. Chilton.  In any event, I sincerely wish I had channeled more of my rage into some Malcolm Tucker rampages, because that at the very least would have freaked them out.

 

How will you be spending Christmas?

With the parental units, presumably, but possibly also on long and annoying train rides.  STAY TUNED!

 

How will you be spending New Years Eve?

Open to suggestions.  Worst case scenario: I stay at home with my housemates and the dog, eat lots of German potato salad, and pass out at 12:01 a.m.

 

Did you fall in love in 2014?

Yes.

 

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Yeah, but I’m managing it better than usual.  Believe it or not.

 

What was the best book you read?

The best books I read (for the first time – have done several re-reads this year) were about serial something-or-others: Death in the City of Light, a non-fiction book about a serial killer who preyed on people desperate to escape Nazi-occupied Paris; and From Hell, the graphic novel that presents a What if…? scenario of who Jack the Ripper could have been – based somewhat on fiction, but also on what could possibly have been true.  Don’t base your judgment on the movie, which was dumb.  Read the book.

I also read, for the first time, The Silence of the Lambs and Red Dragon – both by Thomas Harris, both excellent.  You know I love Hannibal (the TV show), and you know I love the movie Silence, so I am a sucker for all things Dr. Lecter.  Up to a point, anyway. (Hannibal the movie is deeply, deeply silly.  I feel sure that the book is similarly unworthy.)

 

What was your greatest musical discovery? 

The soundtracks to The Knick and Only Lovers Left Alive are constant accompaniments to my daily routines.  Also, some clever person put together ALL the music from True Detective, and it is mostly great from start to finish.

 

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2014?

Equal parts “I haven’t gone clothes shopping in five years” and “how do I disguise the fact that I’m sweating profusely at all times?” with an occasional dash of “Russian refugee c. 1918.”

 

What kept you sane?

Friends.  Rose, Dan, and Friendy all get specific shout-outs.

 

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I thought I was kind of done with getting all worked up about celebrities, and then The Game happened on BBC America and now I can’t stop thinking about stupid Tom Hughes, who is 28 years old and who looks like he’s 15 and I feel like Humbert Humbert ogling Lo even though it’s more like Humbert Humbert ogling Annabel and I’m just so ANGRY about it sometimes because I HATE HIM but also I am very very interested in knowing him carnally EVEN IF HE HAS STUPID SPINDLY ADOLESCENT BOY ARMS 😡

LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK

LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK

 

Who was the best new person you met?

My fella.  Best this year, best every year hereafter.

 

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

It’s that Yoncé, your Yoncé
In that lingerie, on that chardonnay
Scoring touchdowns on your runway
I’m Texas forever like Bun B
And I’m Redboned yo
I’m really rit like Donjae
I’m camo in here yo
These thots can’t clock me nowadays
You wish I was your pound cake
Boy, you know I look good as fuck
Wish I was your baby momma
Want me to come around and give you good karma, but no
We escalate up in this bitch like elevators
Of course sometimes shit go down
When it’s a billion dollars on an elevator

Of course sometimes shit go down
When it’s a billion dollars on an elevator

Goddamn, goddamn, goddamn!

Momma taught me good home training
My Daddy taught me how to love my haters
My sister taught me I should speak my mind
My man made me feel so goddamn fine (I’m flawless!)

You wake up, flawless
Post up, flawless
Ridin’ round in it, flawless
Flossin’ on that, flawless
This diamond, flawless
My diamond, flawless
This rock, flawless
My Roc, flawless
I woke up like this, I woke up like this
We flawless, ladies tell ’em
I woke up like this, I woke up like this
We flawless, ladies tell ’em
Say “I look so good tonight”
Goddamn, goddamn
Say “I look so good tonight”
Goddamn, goddamn, goddamn

I wake up looking this good
And I wouldn’t change it if I could
And you can say what you want, I’m the shit
(What you want I’m the shit, I’m the shit)
(I’m the shit, I’m the shit, I’m the shit)
I want everyone to feel like this tonight
Goddamn, goddamn, goddamn!

[horn fanfare blasts from the heavens]

ONIKA.

Looking Trinidadian, Japanese and Indian
Got Malaysian, got that yaki, that wavy Brazilian
Them bitches thirsty, I’m Hungarian
Nicki, B, be eating, diamond fangs, barbarian, RAHHH
Yo, like MJ doctor, they killing me
Propofol, I know they hope I fall
But tell ‘em winning is my motherfuckin’ protocol
‘Cause I score before I ever throw the ball
These bitches washed up and ain’t no fuckin’ soap involved
This every hood n**** dream, fantasizing about Nicki and Bey
Curvalicious, pussy served delicious

Mayday, mayday, earth to bitches
Slap these hoes on they ass, like we birthing bitches
The queen of rap, slayin’ with Queen B
If you ain’t on the team, you playin’ for team D
Cause we A-listers, we paid sisters
This watch right here done phased blizzards
I confess, I woke up like this
All this drank in my cup like this
All this ass on that flawless dick
Instagram another flawless pic
Flawless city with these flawless titties
I got all these hundreds, you got all them fifties
I’m with some flawless bitches because they more than pretty
Cause n***** love bad bitches that be on they grizzly
Throw that ass back, I be on my frisbee
Princess cut diamonds on my Disney

He want monster Nicki in Sri Lanka
I told him meet me at the Trump, Ivanka
I said come here, let me show you how this cookie taste
This that “Yeah, n****, eat the cookie” face

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2 comments on “Year in Review, Electric Boogaloo: 2014 Edition

  1. Brian
    December 22, 2014

    Merry Christmas mcwhirk
    and a happy new year from a old fart in Melbourne (pronounced melbin as you know) who reads your blog.
    Glad you have found happiness this year at work and home.
    I also hope Melbourne was good to you even if romantically it went pear shaped.The BF took you to the astor I’m sure and the footy to which I am sure your reaction was WTF is going on are their no rules in this game.
    Cheers and enjoy the snow.

    • mcwhirk
      December 22, 2014

      Yeah, mate, Melbs is grouse. I miss it a lot – take care of it for me!

      I am very familiar with the Astor, and hoping beyond hope that some sort of Christmas miracle keeps it open and operating as it has been for many decades more. Footy is actually quite enjoyable to watch, even if I don’t quite understand the rules; the players are all in admirable shape, so I can watch for that if not for anything else. (Rugby is similarly entertaining, for entirely aesthetic reasons.)

      Thanks for the kind words! Enjoy the sun and the heat (up to a point).

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This entry was posted on December 20, 2014 by and tagged , .
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