not in our stars, but in ourselves
So many dumb and terrible things, so little time. Let’s start with something nice, and go from there.
1. It’s spring! It’s warm, and it’s sunny, and the flowers are blooming all over Boston. Look at this beauty:
I wouldn’t say that winter is forgiven…but if you had to give us one extreme, I’m glad you’re following it with the other, Mother Nature. Thank you. Can we please stay focused on ecstasy for a while longer, and leave the agony out of it for, oh, the foreseeable future?
2. That just might be the only good thing this week. Um. No, hang on, here’s one more: I can now run 5 miles in less than 45 minutes. And I have a cold this week, so that’s how I know I can really do it. Me: 10. Universe: 8.
3. In mixed-bag news, the Met Gala this year was…something. The theme was “China: Through the Looking Glass” – seemingly an invitation for Problematic celebrities to go around appropriating whatever culture they lazily deem as Chinese. The results weren’t as bad as they could have been: I hated Sarah Jessica Parker’s stupid headpiece (and her brokeass H&M dress), Emma Roberts wore chopsticks in her hair, and Georgia Jagger wore a kimono – but that seems to have been the worst of it. The good news is that all the Chinese actresses and models absolutely slayed.
Fan Bingbing, who is the queen of every red carpet she graces with her presence, was my favorite. Look at this textbook definition of “flawless”:
For the non-Chinese attendees (i.e., most people, lololol), I think Rihanna was the winner. Stunning, and it’s actually from a Chinese designer (Guo Pei).
Now, of course I adored Queen Bey’s last-minute appearance in her custom-made Givenchy – but this time, she got bronze.
Don’t worry, Bey. Your Nomi Malone realness still snatched plenty of wigs.
4. All right, now to the crap. Ughhhhhhhhhhh, Joss Whedon. As you heard, he abruptly deleted his Twitter this week. There was plenty of speculation that it was online trolls, or worse, militant feminists (!) – but don’t worry. He spoke to Buzzfeed News, and explained all, because of course he did. Here are some choice excerpts:
– “Believe me, I have been attacked by militant feminists since I got on Twitter. That’s something I’m used to. Every breed of feminism is attacking every other breed, and every subsection of liberalism is always busy attacking another subsection of liberalism, because god forbid they should all band together and actually fight for the cause.” Thank you for mansplaining what we should do in order to be Good Feminists and Good Liberals: just let “one of our own” get away with bullshit because he’s nominally part of the team. Thank you so much.
– “I’ve said before, when you declare yourself politically, you destroy yourself artistically […]. Because suddenly that’s the litmus test for everything you do — for example, in my case, feminism. If you don’t live up to the litmus test of feminism in this one instance, then you’re a misogynist. It circles directly back upon you.” This from the guy who has made his career on two things: his commitment to fandom (which is fine, and admirable, and I won’t fault him for that at all) and his self-coronation as the king of male feminists. You are the one who decided, early on, not merely to focus on writing lots of female characters (other, more culturally literate people than I can decide whether or not they’re all “strong” female characters; I have my doubts, but I’m not informed enough to make a real judgment about the rest of his work) – but to toot your own horn while you did so. Consider, by comparison, David Lynch: “As soon as you finish a film, people want you to talk about it. And it’s, um, the film is the talking. The film is the thing. So you go see the film. That’s the thing. It’s a whole thing, and it’s there, and that is it.” That is to say: don’t just say you’ve done it. Do it. Show it in your art, or shut up about it. (Ideally, Nabokov would say, do both the showing and the shutting up.) And another fellow writer of great female characters, Quentin Tarantino: he has spoken of how he “digs” strong women, but they’re not just cardboard cutouts of badasses with all kinds of stereotypically female flaws. They’re complicated, and interesting, and strong as hell – just like (what a concept!) a male character could be. So anyway, Joss, sorry your political leanings are biting you in the ass now that people are wiser to your tricks. That must be tough.
I’m getting too worked up to continue in this vein – but go on, read it all yourself. Tell me I’m just a hater. It’s true.
5. While we’re being feminist harbingers of doom, here’s a nice little takedown in the L.A. Review of Books of Bad Things Happening to Whores on Game of Thrones. I’m really not a fan of the show (I’ve seen season 4 and I guess I’ve seen all there is of season 5 so far), nor have I read the books. I mean, it’s entertaining enough, I guess. But every episode, there are numerous things that make my feminist-killjoy skin crawl. Why so many tits and no dicks? It’s HBO, for fuck’s sake. You can show dicks. Like, every episode, there are LOTS of naked women – for NO FUCKING REASON – and maybe a guy’s butt. Maybe. And don’t tell me that the female nudity is crucial to plot development. That’s bullshit, and you know it. If there’s lots of sex in the plot, we should be seeing some dicks. We should be seeing some hard, throbbing dicks at LEAST as often as we see tits and bizarrely hairless female genitals. (Please note: I don’t actually want to see any dicks, any more than I want to see tits. In the interest of fairness, however, we should see the other if we’re going to continue to be forced to see the one.)