hello from Beyond

I exist, technically

Dear reader(s) – I continue not to be dead. Where am I, what have I been doing, why am I doing it? I guess I’ll tell you a bit about it.

I’m in London. I’ve been riding a lot of buses, walking a dog, seeing as many free sights as possible. As for why I’m doing it…well. The past year and a half, let’s say, broke me. (Maybe a bit longer than that.) I found myself feeling every day like I was going to go insane if I didn’t get out of the U.S. as soon as humanly possible. It is entirely possible that I did go insane, as most of my decisions have been not especially well thought out. My initial plan in quitting my job and fleeing the country was to try to go back to school, either to pursue an entirely new master’s degree in an entirely different field; or to hop into a PhD program. That’s probably not the plan anymore, and there isn’t really another one in place.

So I am drifting along, living on a small nest egg I’d managed to store for myself, no longer part of the capitalist rat race (although still very much at its mercy). I have ideas for things I’d like to write – ideas that could perhaps still lead me down the PhD path, but perhaps not – and am trying to kick myself into working on them, rather than telling myself I’m too dumb and talentless to accomplish them. It’s a sort of nineteenth-century composer/writer existence: spending hours walking around outside, by a river or through a cemetery, trying to wrestle what’s in my head out into the world in some form. A lady of leisure and letters. Well, eventually, of letters. I hope.

London is an excellent city, and I enjoy it very much. It’s big and busy and teeming with people, but there are enough quiet little towpaths and parks and pubs for me to be able to recharge my batteries when I need to. Living with a dog is extremely beneficial, and I’m only sorry that whenever I have to leave (either when my money runs out, or I come to the end of the period I’m legally able to remain here) I’ll have to leave him behind.

 

❤️❤️

There is no set plan for what I’ll do when I leave here. I will, at least for a while, be obligated to return to the United States: whether to apply for more permanent visas, or to crash and try to make some more money, or to use it as a staging ground to defect to Cuba or something. I don’t know. Approximately 99.9% of the news out of the U.S. is shockingly bad and sad, and I worry every single day about the people I know and love who are still there. Thinking more than a few months ahead seems foolish; why bother worrying about a long-term plan when it seems so likely that everything in the world is about to change irrevocably? I don’t know if I’m unduly pessimistic or if I’m just seeing things accurately, but in any event: no plans beyond getting back on a plane at some point in the next few months.

In the meantime, I will try to write more. I do have a specific idea for a specific big project, and it’s just possible that I’ll make a Patreon of it. Or maybe not. I’d hate to under-perform Twitter’s most obnoxious, unhinged conspiracy theorist and Adderall addict. Anyway, you can – if you so desire – throw me whatever money you find in your couch here. There are SO MANY better things for you to give your money to, and I seriously encourage you to consider those before you bother with me, but hey. If you’re morally opposed to donating money to people who’ve lost absolutely everything in three of the worst hurricanes in recorded history; if, somehow, you don’t know anyone afflicted by horrific medical expenses; if there aren’t any animal shelters in your area that need support; if, in short, you would rather give to the least worthy cause currently going, there’s my PayPal.